i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Someone shit on the floor
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
