are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
