watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
