She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
