Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
