i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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