yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
