Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
