I will die if light touches me.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
