The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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