i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
