Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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