one might say we're banned from that church
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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