so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
