i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
