R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just had sex on a roof
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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