Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
