I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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