I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
