He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
