i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
