Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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