but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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