it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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