i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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