Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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