You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
