i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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