Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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