and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
