didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
