And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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