he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
