We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
