my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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