so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
