when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
