i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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