i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.