so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same