You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
