I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
