A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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