i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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