barbara walters just said penis...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
