you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
