he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
