SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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