So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
