I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
