Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
