NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
