The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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