New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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