i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
