I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
