Small penises have feelings too.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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