Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
whose ass print is on the piano?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize