next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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