your room smells of hookers.
And success
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
