how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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