first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
