There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
