Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I faked an abortion last night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
