Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
