you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
