she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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